Master of the House
by Fancy Face
Summary: It's a song from the musical "Les Mis" with a Lord of the Rings twist!


notes: okay, some of you wanted me to do another "Les Mis"/lotr parody after i wrote "one day more", well here it is. hope you like this one.   
  
i own nothing except for the character willy cloverhill. please don't use him without asking.   
  
  
  
  
Master of the House:  
By: Fancy Face  
  
  
  
It was a cool summer's night as Frodo and Sam awaited outside a small pub that was not too far from their homes. They would have gone in right away but they were waiting for their two cousins Merry and Pippin. The two lads were late as usual.   
  
"Where are those two hobbits?" asked Frodo.   
  
"Don't know Mr. Frodo." Sam answered with a sigh. "Probably taking some of Maggot's crops again."  
  
Just as he said that Merry and Pippin came running up to them. They were out of breath and Sam noticed that Pippin had a sack thrown over his shoulder. Sam turned to Frodo.   
  
"I told you." he said with a laugh.   
  
"Well, I don't think I need to ask you two why you're late." Frodo said.   
  
"Were not that late." replied Merry. "Only five minutes."  
  
"Yeah, we had some uh…" Pippin was trying think of a good excuse that he could use, even though he knew that Sam and Frodo knew what the two had been up to. "Business to attend to."  
  
"I'm sure." Sam said, rolling his eyes. "Let's just go ahead in."  
  
"Good idea!" said Merry. "I'm thirsty from all that running from Maggot!"  
  
Frodo laughed as he watched Pippin nudge his cousin in the side. Merry would have hit him back, but he was too busy saying: "Oww."   
  
"Come along you two." Frodo said as he lead the way into the pub.   
  
The four had made their way in. In the pub they saw other hobbits they knew. Some they liked, some they didn't. Sam had seen Rosie and waved. He blushed when she waved back. She was working there as a waitress. The others had laughed when they saw Sam's face go red.   
  
When they had found a table, they took a seat. They then started to talk about anything they could think of. Then an elderly hobbit had interrupted them when he came up to the table. Sam, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin had been in this pub a number of times and had never seen this fellow who had come up to them.  
"So how are you lads doing tonight?" asked the elderly hobbit with a smile.  
  
"Fine." Frodo answered. "Who might you be?" he asked. "I don't think we have ever seen you before."  
  
The elderly hobbit laughed. "No, you haven't seen me around before." he said. "My name is Willy Cloverhill." the old hobbit paused. Then said: "The new master of this house."  
  
"The who?" asked Merry.   
  
Before Merry could get an answer, some music started up. The hobbits looked around and saw a live band on the other side of the pub. They looked at each other and then shrugged.   
  
"Well, at least they are on cue." Frodo said.  
  
"What did you say Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam.  
  
"Never mind." he said.   
  
The hobbits turned their attention back to Willy Cloverhill. He had a grin on his face. Then he started to sing.   
  
"Welcome, M'sieurs  
Sit yourself down  
And meet the best  
Innkeeper in town  
As for the rest,  
All of 'em crooks  
Rooking their guests  
And cooking the books.  
Seldom do you see  
Honest men like me  
A gent of good intent  
Who's content to be…"  
  
"I would like to say we are sitting down." Pippin said to Willy.  
  
"Pippin!" said Merry. "Don't interrupt, he's trying to tell us who he is."  
  
"I was just making a statement." he replied.   
  
Willy continued.   
  
Master of the house  
Doling out the charm  
"Ready with a handshake  
And an open palm  
Tells a saucy tale  
Makes a little stir  
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur  
Glad to do a friend a favor  
Doesn't cost me to be nice  
But nothing gets you nothing  
Everything has got a little price…"  
  
"I knew there was a price to everything!" Pippin said.   
  
"Pippin!" the others yelled at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Master of the house  
Keeper of the zoo  
Ready to relieve 'em  
Of a sou or two  
Watering the wine  
Making up the weight  
Pickin' up their knick-knacks  
When they can't see straight  
Everybody loves a landlord  
Everybody's bosom friend  
I do whatever pleases  
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end…"  
  
"Oh, so this place is a zoo uh?" asked Merry.   
  
"Now, Merry is starting it!" Sam said with groaned.   
  
"Wait a minute? You're going to take our stuff?" asked Pippin as he held the sack he had over his shoulder a little tighter.   
  
"Master of the house  
Quick to catch yer eye  
Never wants a passerby  
To pass him by  
Servant to the poor  
Butler to the great  
Comforter, philosopher  
And lifelong mate  
Everybody's boon companion  
Everybody's chaperone..."  
  
"I'm starting not to like this place Sam." Frodo said to his friend in a low whisper.  
  
"Me either Mr. Frodo." replied Sam in the same matter. "Let's get out of here."  
  
Pippin and Merry watched as Frodo and Sam get up from the table. "Hey, where are you going?" asked Pippin.  
  
"We are leaving." answered Sam. "You two want to come with us?"  
  
"Yeah," Merry answered. "We should go with them Pip."  
  
"Good idea." agreed Pippin.   
  
Merry and Pippin got up and started to follow Frodo and Sam out the door.   
  
"Now, where are you lads going?" Willy asked as the bad stopped playing, and he stopped singing. "I'm not finished yet!"  
  
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were at the door. Frodo turned the new keeper of the pub and said: "Oh yeah, you're finished." he let out a laugh. "Don't give up your day job."   
  
With that said, the four hobbits left. They wouldn't be coming to this pub ever again.   
  
  
THE END   
  
  
  
[Master of the House from the musical "Les Mis". All rights reserved to their owners.] 


End file.
